Monday, November 1, 2010

Post-Halloween Purging: A Diet and a Dating Site

You know Spring Cleaning? Well, I'm Fall Purging. It's time to clean, cleanse and turn over some new leaves.

When I was younger, Halloween was my favorite holiday. These days, Thanksgiving tends to trump it, but I still have mad love for any institution that mandates diabetic-coma levels of sugar consumption.

Because I've been crazy busy, for the second year in a row I was unable to pull together my dream costume (Richard Simmons), but I did manage to rally for Underwood Farms' Harvest Festival with Ana and Kyle.

In the arts and crafts section, between their namesake pumpkin butter and zesty bean soup mix, Ana found a conspicuous addition. Ummm, which of these things (though delicious) is not like the other?

Between the bluegrass stage and the haywagon, we ducked into the corn maze, which was extra muddy thanks to a little nighttime rain...

But that didn't stop us from conquering it...

Maze complete, we rewarded ourselves with some kettle korn and this amazing homemade orange cranberry bread...

Which kind of made me feel like a heffer, which this cow is, despite the horns. A beautiful Scottish highlander heffer.

The next day was actual Halloween and this year it felt less festive than usual. Maybe that was because I've been so overworked and exhausted lately. Maybe it's because I just wasn't in the mood. Or maybe it's because I didn't have anyone to celebrate it with. You know you're a sad single lady when your idea of a Halloween portrait involves you and your pet holding a mini pumpkin.

No matter how foxy Swayze is in this photo, and, let's be honest, he is dead sexy, after taking it, I realized my life had taken a turn toward all those awful Cathy comic cliches, so easily poked fun at. Single lady, in her 30s, with a cat and no man.

"It's not so bad," I thought to myself, as I packed up some baked goods and Chinese food to visit the Molnars, my friends who are married with a baby, only realizing upon arrival that I was once again the third wheel to one couple and one family.

Feeling a bit worse for the wear, I met up with Rachel and struck out for West Hollywood's Halloween parade where drag queens rule the streets and freaks come out in droves. There would surely be safety in this crowd of 500,000...

But wouldn't you know it, in this throbbing sea of half a million, I saw the last guy I dated. With his new girlfriend.

Salt meet wound.

And that was when I decided it was time to make some changes.

Change #1: I need to lay off the sweets for a little while (she types after finishing a box of Munch 'n' Crunch). No more eating my feelings. The last thing I need right now is to be chubby and single.

Change #2: Despite my serious reservations and previous failures on JDate, and Salon Personals, I signed up for an online dating site today. Since only one man in a year asked me out on a date, I need to Wu-Tang Financial this ass and diversify my bonds by making myself more available.

Of course, it's only been 12 hours and already I'm regretting it. The very first match the site offered me was a guy I've actually noticed several times at my favorite Starbucks. We've spoken a few times, exchanged names and smiles, and I've started working there more often in the hopes of seeing him. "This is fate!" I thought when he popped up. So I sent him a brief message. Hours later and he's since been on the site, looked at my profile, read my message and not written back. Burn! Such an internet BURN!

So now I'm sitting on my couch, Swayze on my lap, being haunted by two other former hookups (long story), thinking, How can I make myself feel better?

And here's what I've decided: I'm gonna cleanse.

None of this ridiculous maple syrup and cayenne nonsense. I'm just going to eat clean, organic food for the next few days. No mas Red Bull. No mas sugar. No mas Munch 'n' Crunch. Just fruits, vegetables, broths and water.

I'll start tomorrow with my favorite quinoa breakfast cereal and hopefully by week's end I'll be happier, healthier and a little less emotionally bruised.

Oh, and change #3: I just deleted all my exes' numbers from my phone. Because, really, who needs those anyway?

Keep it Clean Quinoa
makes 4-6 servings

2 cups water
1 cup organic red quinoa
1 tablespoon maple syrup or honey
1/4 cup walnuts
1/4 cup almonds
1/4 cup golden raisins
1/4 cup raisins
pinch of salt

Rinse quinoa well and place in a medium sized pot with all the rest of the ingredients. Bring to a boil over high heat. Cover and reduce to simmer. Cook until water is absorbed and quinoa is al dente (about 15-20 minutes).

Serve warm or cold with a splash of almond or soy milk

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