Hollywood Bites Reviews: "The Tourist," and Mango Nectarine Bellinis

When a film is screened only 48 hours before release, you have to assume there's something terrible afoot and the studio is doing their best to keep the blogosphere from exploded with bad press.

However, in the case of "The Tourist," which was screened for critics Wednesday, it might be that Sony's delay worked against them, preparing people for the worst and inspiring the current drubbing the film is taking.

Is "The Tourist" predictable? Yes.

Is "The Tourist" occasionally implausible and slow? Yes.

Is "The Tourist" the meandering puddle of dreck that people are making it out to be? No.

In fact, it's far superior to Angelina Jolie's most recent outing, "Salt," an excruciating exercise that left audiences guffawing as the clunker careened through a ridiculous plot and terrible acting. To say "The Tourist" is a better movie might be slight praise, but it is still praise.

Let's start with the good stuff, shall we?

There's a whole lot of pretty going on in "The Tourist." Between Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Paul Bettany, a minor cameo by Rufus Sewell and the backdrop of Venice, it's a veritable gorg-a-gasm.

The movie, a remake of the so-so French film, "Anthony Zimmer," stars Depp as a newly single American math teacher who travels to Venice to recover from heartbreak. But when he meets a beautiful and mysterious English woman (Jolie, naturally) he finds himself caught up in a swirling game of cat and mouse.

From the moment Jolie appears on screen, you're struck by the thought that this woman would only be a movie star. She's too flawless and captivating to occupy any other space in the universe. But she plays the femme fatale with disconcerting distance and a seriously gamey English accent (when is she going to realize that adding a dialect to her action hero roles doesn't lend them any more gravitas or credence?), gliding through the frame in Jackie O sunglasses and chignons or impeccably tailored pencil skirts, recalling a Hitchcock heroine, a portrait of chilly perfection, while Depp is acting in a different movie entirely, gamely flinging himself from befuddled math teacher to unwitting hostage, never fully shaking what seems to be a watered down reincarnation of Captain Jack Sparrow.
It seems director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck couldn't decide if he wanted to make a sexy thriller or a sassy romp and ends up with a film that's a bit of both. In the end, despite the venom critics are flinging its way, we found "The Tourist" to be an innocuous offering that exists in a no man's land between really good or really bad; a film that would perfectly enjoyable to catch one mindless afternoon.

But what fun is that for critics to gripe about?

written for NBC's Popcorn Biz

One of the truly great pleasures of being in Venice is drinking bellinis. Though they might never be as delicious as when sipped on the water outside of Harry's Bar, these are a damn close second. But make sure you get the mango nectarines. They're not actually related to mangos, just named such because they're very low-acid and, therefore, taste a lot like the sweet topical fruit.

Mango Nectarine Bellini
Serves 4-6
4 mango (low acid) nectarines (Chef’s note: mango nectarines are only available in the peak of summer, especially in July. Other nectarines or nectarine puree can be substituted if mango nectarines are unavailable)
1 bottle good Italian Prosecco, chilled

Chop mango nectarines and puree until smooth. Add 2 tablespoons of puree to a champagne flute and slowly top with Prosecco. Cheers!

Hollywood Bites Reviews: Salt

The curse of the reshoots continues.

The Last Airbender, Wolverine, Jonah Hex; they all went through major reshoots and still managed to be dreadful. Now you can add another film to that Hall of Shame, Angelina Jolie’s spy thriller Salt, a film so laughably awful, at a recent screening the audience went from minorly chuckling during the film’s climax to downright guffawing at its implausibility.

Salt is about Evelyn Salt, a CIA operative who goes on the lam after she’s accused of being a KGB sleeper agent in a scene that involves the most laborious exposition filmgoers have suffered in a very long while. Given everything that’s gone on in the news recently, you’d think that would be a boon for the film. But Kurt Wimmer’s script, filled the Cold War references, feels tragically dated, as though it had been fished out of a desk two and a half decades too late and the producers paid good money to make sure the New York Times and Wall Street Journal made Russian spies news again just before the film’s release.

Director Phillip Noyce (Patriot Games, Sliver) fills his frames with obvious nods to the movie’s subject matter, such as in an interrogation room where a half dozen reflections curve behind the action, the equivalent of a cinematographer, in this case Robert Elswit, shouting, “These people are layered! They might not be who you think they are! See. See. There’s multiples of them!” Other times, Elswit, whose previous work includes The Will Be Blood and Good Night and Good Luck, allows his camera to drop in and out of POV shots, including one shaky steadicam shot from a dog’s eye view. Do you blame the guy with multiple Oscars (Elswit) or the man whose last good movie was 2002’s Rabbit Proof Fence (Noyce) for that embarrassingly bad choice?

Hmmmm.

Speaking of decisions that are less than wise, while Jolie was once Hollywood’ go-to girl for bad ass chick roles, the Oscar winner looks vacant and wane this time around as she listlessly goes through the motions she delivered with verve in Tomb Raider, Wanted and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Perhaps she realized she was in unsteady hands (probably right around the time she saw herself “disguised” as a man in one of the most hilariously implausible scenes) and decided to phone her performance in.

Noisy action sequences are little match for such a ridiculously plotted and poorly acted movie. Even in the summer, when escapism is the goal, Salt is an unwitting comedy that’s meant to be laughed at, not with.

Comic-Con 2010: Michelle Rodriguez on Avatar, James Cameron and Movie Death

At the press conference for her new film Battle: Los Angeles, described as a cross between Black Hawk Down and Alien by director Jonathan Liebesman, Michelle Rodriguez sounded off about what James Cameron thinks about animation replacing actors and why she gets killed off in every movie.

Asked about the possibility of actors eventually being replaced by animated avatars, Rodriguez instantly bristled:

“I’d like to make a note, people don’t understand because they weren’t there. I was there. I saw what Jim did with Avatar and what the future of film is in his eyes. What he wanted to transition to was respect toward the actor because you are literally looking at an enhancement of the actor’s performance. You are not looking at some guy who’s an animator creating the emotions or performance. The dots are on all the parts of your face and you have a camera staring at you. It’s the actor’s performance. That’s something I think a lot of people don’t understand because there’s a lot of work that was placed behind it. Eventually, over the years, it’ll become a lot easier to do [that kind of animation], a lot cheaper and it’ll take a lot less time. But directors who know what it’s all about, like Jim and Jonathan, know it’s about the human soul shining through into whatever story it is you’re trying to tell. Actors aren’t going anywhere.”

Damn, Gina. Simmer down. We’re with you; if we want to see animated acting, we’ll go to whatever new movie Pixar is putting out, not rent Beowulf. No need to get so testy.

Surprisingly, she was much perkier when asked the question: “Why does Michelle Rodriguez always die in every movie?”

"Because I don’t rip my clothes off and I’m nobody’s girlfriend!" she hooted, clapping her hands and laughing hysterically. "A lot of writers are new to the whole tough girl thing. They don’t know what to do with a chick. If she’s got character and she’s strong, it’s sort of like, ‘Well, we’ve got the dude who’s strong, so what do we do with the chick who does that? Kill her. Duh.’ Eventually they’ll get used to it. Maybe Salt will change a thing or two.”

Having seen Salt, we can say with total certainty that the only thing that’s gonna alter is Angelina Jolie’s bankability and credibility. That movie gives ass-kicking tough women everywhere a bad name.