Hungry for Love: "You Kissed a Pirate?" Edition, with Jalebi to Celebrate

This week, I kissed a guy wearing a choker. It wasn’t a long kiss or even a tongue kiss, but it was a kiss. And the choker was made of dark leather with a small ivory circle at the center. Yeah, not exactly, my proudest moment.

I started 2011 with the New Year’s resolution to kiss more cute boys and, up until Wednesday night, I’d failed miserably to uphold my pledge. While I still haven’t decided if this brief encounter fits the bill or not—like I said, homeboy was wearing a choker and the kiss was a milquetoast peck—at least it was some action and, considering my love life has been like a Haley’s Comet sighting recently, that’s a good thing.

With the exception of an old friend who got a little handsy at the after party for The People’s Choice Awards, the only male attention of note I’ve received dates all the way back to late-2010, when I ended up singing “Fat Bottomed Girls” and “November Rain” with a super tropical broad-shouldered, dirty blonde actor boy in a $2000 Hugo Boss suit, replete with cufflinks and tie clip, who was in town from New York to shoot an episode of CSI. We shared a PBR, a little over the shirt lovin’ and some tonsil hockey before going our separate ways, but not before I slipped him my number on the ever klassy damp paper bar napkin. I still think of him fondly whenever I hear Slash’s guitar solo.

Several months later, the time was nigh to make a new memory and what better way to ensure that'll happen than to find yourself in a bar on a weeknight where there’s a special on good beer?

In preparation for a photo shoot I have this week, I decided the best way to look good would be to eat as little as possible. That plan failed miserably. By 8:30pm on the first day, after twelve hours of trying to recreate Natalie Portman’s Black Swan diet of almonds, carrots and skim milk, I was ready to devour a hipster’s skinny jeans when I rolled into Bigfoot Lodge for their weekly trivia night. I’m a lightweight to begin with, but with nothing but ballerina shrapnel in my stomach to greet it, after one of their $4 Newcastles, guess who was buzzed like a 7th grader chugging Boones Strawberry Hill behind the gym? With no will power and a gurgling belly, what did I do? Sprint down the boulevard in my miniskirt and 5-inch platform granny-gone-tranny heels to India’s Sweets and Spices so I could buy a pound of Jalebi (to share with the group, I’m not that much of a heifer) in between trivia rounds.

If you’ve never have Jalebi, which is an Arabian sweet that’s served as a celebratory snack in India, think of it as Indian funnel cake. Swirled dough is fried and then soaked in rose water syrup, which makes them crispy, chewy and intensely sweet. A few of those, another pint of beer, and I was working a very nice sugar/barley high. I’m not tryin’ to say I was easy pickin’s…But, let’s be honest, I was easy pickin’s.

Perhaps that’s why, when one young feller, who happened to be sporting silver hoops in both ears (“Like a pirate?” a friend asked when I admitted my shame the next day), the aforementioned leather choker (which really isn’t okay unless you’re Jordan Catalano)...

...and a pair of very wide legged, light washed, possibly Carhartt-brand jeans (the kind on might wear to a Nickelback concert), asked for my number and went in for a kiss on the lips for a second time after I swerved and gave cheek on his first attempt, I acquiesced.

Sigh. I blame my extended drought, the cheap Newcastle and one too many Jalebi.

The next time I get a fever for the flavor, I think I’d better make them at home.

Jalebi Recipe

Batter:
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
pinch saffron
1/4 cup plain yogurt
approximately 2 tablespoons-1/4 cup water
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon cardamom powder
a few drops orange food coloring

Syrup:
2 cups sugar
1 1/2 cups water
1 1/2 tablespoons rose water

Vegetable oil for frying

To make the batter, mix flour, saffron and yogurt into a paste. Cover and let mixture sit and ferment overnight on the counter.

The next day, add just enough water to make the batter resemble slightly loose pancake batter. Stir in baking soda, cardamom powder and food coloring. Let sit while you prepare the syrup.

In a heavy bottom pan, combine sugar, water and rose water. Heat to a boil over medium high heat, reduce to medium and continue cooking another 20 minutes, stirring as necessary, until you have a thick sugar syrup.

Heat oil in a small deep fryer or heat bottomed skillet over medium high heat until it reaches 375 degrees. Stir batter and pour it into a squeeze bottle (an old ketchup bottle works great), ziplock or pastry bag and cut a small 1/2 inch opening.

Swirl the batter into the hot oil in a circular motion until you have a 2 to 3 inch round. Repeat and cook each Jalebi until lightly golden brown on each side, about 90 seconds-two minutes per side. Remove Jalebi from the fryer and dip in warm syrup before placing on serving platter or cookie sheet lined with wax paper.

Enjoy warm or cold.

Oscar Favorites Natalie Portman and Darren Aronofsky Discuss "Black Swan"

In Black Swan, Darren Aronofsky’s new psychological thriller, Natalie Portman plays Nina, a young ballerina unraveling as she prepares to dance both the pristine, pure white swan and the manipulative, seductive black swan in Swan Lake. As the film’s director and star make their way into the lobby of the Pantages, a palatial art deco RKO movie house turned theater, their own white swan/black swan dynamic is evident.

Portman, long beloved by audiences and critics alike, enters looking poised and regal in an indigo dress, a warm smile captivating all who behold her. Just behind her is Aronofsky (Pi, Requiem for a Dream, The Wrestler), a director who’s earned the reputation of being a gifted but difficult genius, swaddled in a sport coat, a long scarf circling his neck and a 1970s cop mustache winking ironically from his upper lip.

They are the yin to each other’s yang.

Sitting down to discuss their new project, Portman happily takes the backseat when asked how the two came together on the project, differing to Aronofsky who charges forward, all pistons firing. “I’ve been a fan of Natalie’s since I saw her in The Professional and it turns out her manager is an old friend of mine from college so I had an inside line to meet her,” the director begins excitedly. “We met in Times Square, at the old Howard Johnson’s, had a really bad cup of coffee. I had early ideas about the film, but she says I had the entire film in my head, which is a complete lie.”

“No, it was so close to what you described to me,” Portman pipes up, offering Aronofsky a beaming smile of reassurance.

“We talked a bit about it and we started to develop it, but getting into the ballet world proved to be extremely challenging,” Aronofsky continues. “Most times when you do a movie and say, ‘I want to make a movie about your world,’ all the doors open up. The ballet world wasn’t at all interested in us hanging out. It took a lot of years to put it together.”

Portman says there were a number of reasons she wanted to do the film but Aronofsky’s involvement solidified her interest, something the director still can’t believe.


“I think I’m way too direct and have scared away a lot of A-List actors in my career,” he admits candidly. “In fact, Natalie Portman is the first A-List actor I’ve worked with. Everyone else was like, ‘You want me to do what? For how long? For how little money?’ And they walk away. I’ve lost a lot of movie stars along the way because I’m a little too straight forward.”

Besides working with Aronoskfy, who she says she “would do anything for,” Portman loved the idea of doing a dance movie, having taken classes when she was a young girl, but the role also gave her the opportunity to use the psychology degree she earned from Harvard in 2003 in order to understand some of her character’s destructive behaviors.

“This was a case where something I learned in school did translate into something practical, which is very very rare,” Portman admits with a chuckle. “[Nina] was absolutely a case of obsessive compulsive behavior. Ballet really lends itself to [OCD] because there’s such a sense of ritual.”

In order to embody her character, Portman had to subject herself to a similar physical ritual that involved six to eight hours of training a day, ranging from toning to swimming to ballet, a process she says was the best possibly insight into Nina. “The physical discipline really helped the emotional side of the character, because you get the sense of this monastic lifestyle of only working out, which is a dancer’s life,” Portman explains. “You don’t drink, you don’t go out with your friends, you don’t have much food, you are constantly putting your body through extreme pain. You get the understanding of the self-flagellation of a ballet dancer. It is a devotional, ritualistic art, which you can relate to as an actor. When you do a film, you submit to your director in the same way. Your director is everything and you devote yourself to create their vision. I’m not a perfectionist but I’m obedient. I think it’s important to work your hardest and be as kind as possible to everyone you work with.”


Ballerinas don't look the way they do by tucking into an Awesome Blossom at Chili's. Here's a clean, refreshing dish that's satisfying but will still allow you to look good in your tutu come showtime.

Gazpacho Granita with Chopped Gazpacho Salad, Avocado and Flame Grilled Shrimp in Jalapeno Cilantro Oil
Serves 6-8

Granita-
8 ripe tomatoes, roughly chopped
1 red bell pepper, roughly chopped
1 orange bell pepper, roughly chopped
1/2 English cucumber, roughly chopped
1/4 cup cilantro, roughly chopped
1/2 cup vegetable juice
2 tablespoons champagne vinegar
salt to taste

Chopped Gazpacho Salad-
1 cup ripe cherry tomatoes, halved
1 red bell pepper, finely diced
1 orange bell pepper, finely diced
1/2 English cucumber, finely diced
1/2 red onion, finely minced
1 green jalapeno, finely minced
juice and zest of one lime
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon champagne vinegar
salt to taste

Shrimp-
18-24 shrimp, peeled and deveined
juice and zest of one lime
1 bunch cilantro, roughly chopped
1/4 cup olive oil
1 green jalapeno, roughly chopped
salt to taste
bamboo skewers, soaked in water 30-45 minutes
Garnish-
1 avocado, finely diced
lime juice

Puree all granita ingredients in a blender or food processor.

Strain puree through a sieve. Let mixture chill in refrigerator for 30-45 minutes than transfer to a wide, shallow, heavy-bottomed container. The shallower and wider the container, the more room you give the granita to freeze quickly. Cover with foil or plastic wrap and freeze for 1 hour or until it begins appears solid around the edges.

Using a fork, scrape the ice from sides, mixing in from the edges into the center.
Repeat this scraping and mixing process every 30 minutes, until the entire mixture has the consistency of shave ice. Freeze until ready to use.

For the chopped salad, combine all ingredients until well coated in dressing. Refrigerate until ready to use.

To prepare shrimp, begin by making the cilantro oil.

Combine cilantro, lime juice and zest, jalapeno and olive oil in a blender or food processor. Set aside.

If using a gas grill, preheat the grill with high, direct heat. If using coals, allow coals to burn down to glowing white embers. The grill is hot enough when you hold your hand about an inch over it for only a about second. Lightly grease grill with olive oil to prevent sticking.

Lightly salt shrimp and skewer about 3 per person. Grill shrimp approximately two minutes per side, basting with cilantro oil twice. Remove shrimp from grill and place remaining cilantro oil in a small pan, heating on high until bubbling.

To serve, spoon chopped salad onto plate and top with granita. Add a few teaspoons of avocado tossed in lime juice, a skewer of shrimp and a drizzle of the hot cilantro oil.

Serve immediately.

Reviewing Black Swan and The King's Speech on Today in LA